There are two major events leading to my belief in God.
The first one happened in August last year. I knew about Jeff's (that's how I call Yeung Kong) problem in May, and started feeling a bit depressed. I was embarking on a new phase in my life living on a boat traveling around the world with my husband and children. Adapting to a new life was quite stressful in itself and I was blaming myself for being away and not able to help.
The fact was, I couldn't help Jeff in any way. I felt helpless. I started praying.
I didn't really know how. I used to think only weak people turn to God. I find it not nice to pray only when one has troubles, but I thought, I am not praying for myself, why not. So I continued praying.
In early August, my brother emailed me that Jeff's situation was grave. I decided to come back with my two children, leaving my husband behind to take care of the boat.
I stayed in Hong Kong for a week waiting for a 'permission' to go visit Jeff, for I knew Jeff was always tired and didn't want to see a lot of people.
During that time I went to a Sunday service with my parents in a local church. I met a couple of acquaintances. One of whom learnt that I wasn't a God believer and inspired me to challenge God by asking Him to show Himself to me.
So I tried one night. Nothing happened. I tried one more time two nights later and that night I saw an image: a small cross with a white rim right in the middle of a dark grey background. I tried to look closer to see whether I could see Jesus in there, and probably at the same time I asked if he can show me something if I'm seeing 'the real thing'. At that moment, there was a strong force radiating from a point in my tummy, a force so strong that it scared me a bit although I couldn't call it painful. The sharp force lasted for a few seconds. It stopped and I asked, 'if it was really you, can you do it to me one more time…' and the same thing happened again. Still trying to think rationally I asked yet again, and the force came in the same fashion for a third time. I found myself crying immediately and clamped my two hands together to pray for Jeff. After the praying, however, I wanted to confirm the situation by forcing myself to open my eyes to see whether I was still in the same praying position, but unfortunately I wasn't, and I was sleeping with my arms spreading out. I was disappointed as it could have been a dream. I went back to sleep but quietly I asked God to show me again. The same dream and same force came again. Just once this time, as I already heard myself crying out loud and saying 'I believe now, I believe now!' and I prayed for Jeff. Again, I forced myself to open my eyes and I wasn't in that praying position. I was puzzled. I didn't know what it was although Christian friends told me that I should be thankful to God.
A series of things happened in the next few days which could be qualified as a miracle (I used to call this a coincidence). I was looking for religious books to bring to sister and Jeff. I spent two hours in a Christian bookshop but found nothing I thought suitable. As I left the bookstore, I asked God to help guide me to the right book. That night, I found Tuesdays with Morrie on my brother's advice, and not far from it was a book called 'Killing Cancer'. I brought both books to the hospital in Guangzhou. My sister read both and asked me to take Killing Cancer home. I didn't really want to read it. A couple of nights later, however, nearly midnight, I was very tired, but I had a very strong urge to find the book to read. I normally won't last two pages under those situations, but I actually spent 2 hours nearly finishing the whole thing. I suddenly felt very confident about Jeff after this. The book mentioned a guy who cured his cancer by drinking a mixture of 3 herbal teas he found on different continent around the world. I remembered there was a website on the book. So next morning, despite I was in a hurry to go out for a medical appointment, I looked up the website on the internet. To my surprise, there was a Hong Kong agent selling the tea product. As I checked the address, I couldn't believe my eyes – it was in exactly the same building as the doctor I was going to visit that day. Stranger still, I wasn't supposed to go to this doctor, but another doctor the day after. I only changed the appointment a day ago.
After this strange events (and Jeff was also getting better that couple of months) I continued to pray. I believed in God a bit more, but not much. However, I wanted to learn more about the bible. I found myself not depressed anymore. I was very positive. Early December, I learnt that Jeff was in a terrible state and both Jeff and sister slept very little. I decided to come back again, this time alone, preparing for the worst. By then, I had accessed a few religious websites and had been forwarding prayers and uplifting articles to cheer my sister up.
When I saw Jeff, he was sitting up, pretty much like a skeleton with a big tummy. He was very touched of my coming. It should have been a sad scene, but I felt like seeing a strong person sitting there, and I felt happy…happy to be able to see him and sister. I didn't cry or anything I just felt good to be there. I started reading the Purpose Driven Life to Jeff whilst sis massaging his back. After he heard the part about why people sometimes suffer in pain, He commented, 'it explains in such real terms…'
The next day I read a religious booklet mum took from Hong Kong. I started crying really hard after reading a testimony about a young man in jail. I cried reading Psalm 23. I went back to my little room and was waling uncontrollably, not for Jeff, but for Jesus! A biblical person who died 2005 years ago with no connection to me, and yet I felt so much for him! I was uttering 'I am so bad, why did you died so terribly to help us…' At that moment, I thought it could be nothing else. God has come to find me. It was 16th December.
That's why I long to be baptized. I hope I can do more for others in future. And I hope people should start thinking about their families more and start caring for others before it’s too late.
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信仰見證 Testimony